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CHAPTER 12: 1955
As she collected his clothes, folding them neatly on his bed, the little boy clutched his favorite toy, a worn stuffed dog, closed to his chest as he pouted at his mother.
Another little whine floated out of his lips, and Hyerin knew that a tantrum was on its way.
She turned from the piles of clothing and knelt before him, taking his tiny hands in her own. She’d age more than she’d prefer to admit – more than anyone would dare mention – in the past three years, despite her still young age.
Mother and son shared eye contact for a moment before Hyerin pulled the boy into her arms, cuddling him close and not daring to let him go. She lay a peck on his temple and he squealed, both grinning and giggling for just a moment.
“We’ll go to grandma’s house for just a little while, I promise” she declared, picking up her son and setting him on the bed. Reaching for a bag to put the piles in, she gave him a playful look “Look we’ll go on an adventure”
This sparked Jaemin’s interest.
“Where?” he questioned immediately, leaning forward and grabbing his mother’s hand.
She bent to peck his nose, grinning a sweet smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “It’s a magic land with a big castle, princes and princesses… it’s called California”
“I don’t want to—“
Hyerin held up a hand to stop her mother, though she couldn’t see her eyes. “I have to”
Though aware of how stubborn Hyerin could be, her mother couldn’t help but feverishly disagree with the choice her daughter decided to make. She would do anything to stop her, however impossible it could turn out to be.
“You’re removing Jaemin from his homeland, his culture” she argued, setting her mug of tea down a bit more harshly than intended.
Still not looking at him, Hyerin’s brow furrowed and she fiddled with her hands “There’s plenty of Korean culture in California. Lots of people are leaving for America now, while the war is dying down”
“What about Jaehyung?”
The difficult question.
Hyerin should have expected it.
With a sigh, she met her mother’s eyes briefly, then tore them away. She twirled her spoon in her own mug silently, jaw tight and eyes unfocused.
“There hasn’t been a word for two years” she concluded finally, her greatest fear evident in her lifeless tone. “I don’t want Jaemin to grow up around things he’ll never remember”
“So you’ll just forget all about your husband?” her mother argued gently. She didn’t have to be harsh with Hyerin – the gentle and almost philosophical tone was enough to nudge her into the “right” way of thinking.
“I won’t remarry,” the girl defended. Another pause and she sighed again “I just can’t”
Softly, her mother finished for her “… cope with the memories”
The women met each other’s gazes, lifeless eyes and memories of lovers lost identical.
Two war heroes and two war widows left behind with families to care for.
“You have my blessing” her mother concluded finally, hiding a silent tear with a bow of her head until it fell to the pool on the wooden table.
“I like school” Jaemin shouted through giggles as he skipped along the sidewalk.
Truth be told, Jaemin adjusted to America better than Hyerin had. The young mother lived paycheck to paycheck, and she began working at a daycare to pay the rent and bills for their little apartment to scrape together what little money she could.
She knew miniscule English, and Jaemin had taken to the language easier than she had too. Getting by was easy enough, though, since she’d manage to get in touch with other war widows that lived nearby. Life wasn’t nearly as perfect as it was in Korea, and Hyerin missed her family – and Jaehyung’s – and the place she called home.
That thought was quickly pushed away, though. She never allowed herself to think of Korea as home anymore -- home is California, home is America, home is where Jaemin is. Life changes in brutal instants, so she has to move on, for her son’s sake.
She had to forget.
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